Smell the flower but hide the garbage!

Did you ever notice that you’re accumulating stuff?
I sure don’t notice, all I knew was that I felt victorious whenever I go shopping and came back with bags of goodies, things which I presumed that I need.

When I run out of storage, it means is time for me to sort things through, and I’m usually amazed by:

1. the amount of things I accumulated over the years – it just keeps growing
2. the amount of junk I decide to throw out – it also just keeps growing
3. the amount of things I don’t know what to do with – it never stop growing

I wished I grew as much hair as I grew my possessions.

Strange that we are often defined by what we possessed – the house we live in, the car we drive, the clothes we wear, the branded bags we carry, our jobs, our statues etc. The list never ends and we kept wanting more and more, before we knew it, we are consumed by these endless materialistic pursue and lose balance in life, lost sight of what are the most important things in life.

I was suddenly reminded of what my uncle said to me couple of years back, “When you’re younger, you accumulate things, but when you grow older, you want to get rid of things.”

I never understood what my uncle meant until now. Probably I’m approaching another milestone in life, just as Confucious wrote: 三十而立，四十而不惑. (30 to establish oneself, 40 to not doubt oneself)

I’ve always wonder if I’ve established myself since I’ve passed 30. But how do I get to the stage of not doubting myself? Especially with the ups and downs in the past few years,it  is hard not to doubt myself when difficulties strike.

于丹教授在她的书 《于丹《论语》心得》，第七章人生之道就同样的问了这问题。我很喜欢于丹教授的解读:

“从而立到不惑，这是人生最美好的光阴。一个人在三十岁以前是用加法生活的，就是不断地从这个世界上收集他所需要的东西，比如经验，财富，感情，名誉，等等。但是，物质越多，人就越容易迷惑。
三十岁以后，就要开始用减法生活了，也就是要学舍弃那些不是你心灵真正需要的东西。。。。当敢舍弃，知道如何舍弃的时候，人才真正接近不惑的状态。
那么什么叫不惑？就是人能够自觉按照中庸的理念去思考，行事。即使外部世界给你许多不公正，打击，缺憾，你也能在一个坐标上迅速建立自己应有的位置。”

Indeed, to be able to not doubt oneself required great wisdom and tenacity.

As I came to the end of my clean out, I had the most daunting task – deciding what to do with category [3]. The difficult decision represents my attachment to these material things. Most of the time they are useless to me, but it seemed such a waste to throw them out or give away. What did I do with them eventually? I hide them. Waiting for the next round of clean out, maybe then I’ll have the courage to separate myself from them.

心情笔

很久都没有提起笔写心情了。终有一天会重拾这支心情笔。

A Pocket Full of Sunshine, 21 Sept 2009

Is Raya long weekend.
As busy as I am with all the craziness at work, I’m determined to spend my holiday as how a holiday should be spend – forget about work and relax.

I’ve already had an outing trip planned with some friends, we have been longing to go to Sekinchan, a small town north of Selangor near the border of Perak, famous for its vast padi fields and fresh seafood, often called the rice bowl of Selangor. Perfect getaway for city folks, people like me who lived all my life in the city and buried in endless paper pushing which we called work.

We started the journey early in hope of getting there before noon. After almost a 2 hours driving through small towns and holidays traffic jam, we finally saw lushous green padi fields on our left. We knew we are there. It was noon with the hottest sun right on top of our heads, but I was so excited that I didn’t care about the heat. I stepped right out with my camera, hat and sunny, and head straight to the padi fields. I was overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude! There’s nothing like seeing where our food came from and how fard the farmers work at putting them on the table for us.

After snapping tonnes of photos, we proceed to the other side of town for some fresh seafood lunch. It was crowded due to the holidays, we waited patiently for our food to be served. Though we were a little disappointed with the food quality, we enjoyed each other companies. Nothing like sharing a meal with people you enjoy being with.

Some walking were needed after the hefty meal, we walked down the small lane in search of fishing boats and fresh fish stocks. However, since it was the holiday, the fishermen were also having their rest days. Instead of seeing busy docks, we saw fishing boast lying still in the shallow water; empty boxes; ladies mending the nets and new boat being build. For me, the most interesting is the houses. Pretty bold to be pink and having the double happiness word as decoration, people who lived there must be real happy.

Last stop is the beach, to see the sun hanging over the waterline and waiting for the fishing boats to return home after a hard day’s work. When the first boat returns, it was time for us to head home. I’ve always enjoy road trip, this is definitely my idea of a relaxing getaway.

生命没有如果

听说以前的几位同事被派往在国外的总公司驻习一年，看来公司的高层有意让本地人接班管理这里的业务和运作。 听了心里有点可惜，若我没有决定跳剿，我是否也是其中一位有机会到国外驻习一年呢？必定是一个难能可贵的好经验， 特别是一直都渴望能在国外住的老公。

回家告诉老公，心里有点愧疚，未能让老公如愿以偿。 老公却一脸豁达的说，“天意如此，就认命吧！是你的，就是你的；不是你的，就不是你的.” 难得老公这么看得开。反而我却耿耿于怀，怀疑自己是否有这样的能力让公司高层看上。 若说是为了老公，可能为了自己的自尊心比较老实。

但是，既然已经决定了，又有什么好回头呢？人生没有回头路，只有吸取经验在选择。 再看看现在的公司，现有的机会，我还是认为我没有选错。虽然现在乃未看到曙光，但已经是不远了，三个月的建立期快过了，一切的起伏动荡将会很快的平息下来，以后的路将会是康庄大道了。

每天面对着一波又一波的考验，难免有点气馁，看着路上被牺牲掉的，有时也会问问自己这一切是否值得。老公常说，“哪有那么多如果，一路走下去就是了，走错了就换条路，牺牲难免。。”

真的，生命没有如果。

I’m a Middle Manager, Get Me Out of Here!

What happens when 2 bosses don’t talk to each other?
They get you to talk to each other on their behalf!
Having all that I have on my plate and yet having an additional role as a mind reader, this is too much!

I’m a Middle Manager, I don’t read mind. I think I fail this challenge, get my out of here!